Brokenhearted

After many babygrams, xrays, ultrasounds, and other tests, the dr.’s still had no idea as to why Abigail is not tolerating food. They started feeding Abigail again on Saturday in order to get stool samples to test for an allergy. They were hoping after all the tests that possibly it was just immaturity of the bowels causing her belly to swell and become so distended and that this time she would tolerate it. Last night (Mon pm) they called us to say they had to stop her feeds again. We went in today and met with the neonatal specialists. He believes she has an obstruction of the bowels- which can only be fixed with surgery. However, at this point they cannot tell where the obstruction is (& have no hard evidence that’s what it is) & cannot do surgery until they can pinpoint it. The danger with surgery is that 1- she’s a one month old in unstable condition and 2- it causes scar tissue which can cause more blockage which would need to be fixed w/ more surgeries. He tried to prepare us by acknowledging our frustration now- and saying it will probably only get worse as we continue to walk through this. She will probably be in the hospital for 2 more months (devastating for mommy and daddy to hear) if everything were to go well. He is working w/ a GI specialists & and now a pediatric surgeon to try to understand what is going on with her. While we were there today I watched them start an IV ten times in her feet, arms, and head. Every time they stuck her, her tiny veins would blow. She has bruises and wounds all over her from all the IV’s, PIC lines, blood samples, and test they’ve done on her. She looks horrible. As I listened to her piercing cry and watched them hold her down to stick her once again, the verse the Lord brought to mind was “He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities, upon him was the punishment that brought us peace, and by His stripes we are healed.” My heart is broken over my little girls suffering and the thought of possibly losing her, and as I sat in the NICU and wept I was baffled more than ever that the Lord crushed His only son for a sinner like me. It must have brought Him such grief and pain. I wish so badly that I could take it for her, that I could be sick instead of her, but I can’t. There is nothing I can do to make it better- which is one of the hardest things. Ben and I are heartbroken, and sometimes we feel like we are drowning, but we cling to the One who is carrying us and petition for a miracle. Our prayer is that the Lord would divinely intervene and heal her fragile body. That no surgery would be necessary and she would miraculously begin to tolerate feedings. Please join with us in this prayer. If it be God’s will for surgery, please pray the dr.’s will have wisdom, find the blockage easily, and be able to treat it effectively.

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine. when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and the waves, they will not overcome you….” Isaiah 43