Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I started fertility shots last Monday. I thought I would just be taking a pill (usual first step in fertility), but my doctor said that wouldn’t work for me and I needed something more aggressive. The decision to start them was very overwhelming. I was supposed to start last week, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. There are so many hidden reasons beneath the outward resistance. What if they don’t work?…that’s my last hope…How will I respond emotionally? Am I ready to engage in this emotional rollercoaster, fully embracing my desire and disappointment at exactly the same time? I was terrified…wanted to figure it all out…wait until I felt like I could handle it...while at the same time feeling "behind" and watching everyone around me get pregnant. I was encouraged by a great friend (thanks JenJ) to get away, pray, and not leave until I felt a peace one way or the other. The Lord wants me to walk in faith and dependence on him every single day, and he has made this an overwhelming reality for me. As we got out all the syringes, gauze, serum, ect. reality sunk in even deeper that this will be an extremely difficult process. A million questions run through your head. What is God’s purpose in this? How will He use all my battles with health for His glory?

Yet, in the midst of my questions, God has given peace. The Lord has granted me the sweetest intimacy with him and peace leaning on him moment by moment. He wants me to know Him in a way that only trials could lead to. He is making my faith more real and genuine, and my hope rests in the fact that he has a plan for my life. I know he will use my tears to bring comfort into the lives of others he calls to walk this path.
Please pray for us as these next couple of days are critical ones. Please pray that the shots work, that my body responds, and that the Lord would open my womb. Thank you

5 comments:

Demetrius and Amy said...

thank you for being so open and vulnerable about what is going on in your lives. We are praying for you guys. Having walked this road...I know how very hard and scary it can be...but HE is there...in the midst of all your fears, doubts, etc.It brought me great comfort knowing that He ALONE is in control of all of this, not the shots, the doctors, or myself...HIM...I'm praying that you see HIM most throughout this process...Keep us updated. We love you guys and miss you tremendously..

Shane, LaJuan, Jocelyn and Gabrielle said...

hey. It's LaJuan.the comment that says it's from Demetrius and Amy is from me. I was on her computer and didn't realize that I was logged in under her blog :)

Jacob and Crystal Krausz said...

I will CERTAINLY be praying for you sweetie. I love you always!

<3 Crystal Center-Krausz

Jena said...

wow- thanks so much, Katie for sharing your heart. I will be praying for you guys. Thanks for being so honest with your feelings.
Jena

Janine said...

Katie, I am curious as to your adventure in infertility. My husband and I both have infertility issues and have been trying to conceive for a year and a half, to no avail. (yet!) We have been doing "shots" and hormone treatments for 3 cycles, it is discouraging sometimes. God is good, and I know He will provide, but I am still scared: how far will I have to go to have a family? I know this isn't the best way to ask, and if youdon't want to share I understand. (if you do, my email is janinowens@gmail.com)

p.s. I am stalking your blog! I love it...so uplifting and strong!