"He sees each tear that falls..."

I had a few quiet moments this morning and decided to spend it with the Lord instead of doing the 100’s of things that need to be done (or so I often feel). The twins are now 4 months old, and yet it seems as though I’ve lived about 4 years of life in the last 4 months. I absolutely LOVE my children and LOVE being a mommy- love taking care of them, playing with them, watching them grow, ect! They are smiling and cooing and it is adorable! However, all the doctors’ appointments are just wearing on me. I literally have 3-5 appt’s a week with one/both of them and they just take nearly my whole day. It just seems as though we get over one bump, to be faced with another big issue. We went to the dr. mon w/ Abigail and they scheduled us to see a different dr- genetics. Went Wed w/ both- and found a heart murmur on Aiden so we’re headed to cardio. It’s disheartening, draining, lonely, and there doesn’t seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel. I realize that what God has called me to do right now is to be a full time mom- take care of my children & free up my husband to minister on the college campus. However, I don’t understand why my extra part time job is to go to the Dr. I also don’t understand why my babies are so sick and their issues multiplying. I do realize it could be worse…it’s just so hard sometimes. The only thing I can do with my feelings is to take them to the Lord and simply surrender to His will. So often I think what I need the most is relief from my pain, but really what I need the most is Him. I don’t have to understand His ways and workings in my life- life is about His glory and not my happiness or even my children’s relief from pain. Why God choose for these circumstances to be in our lives I do not know but I do know that through this he is absolutely changing the core of who I am and I pray bringing Himself glory! I continue to learn that the pathway to great joy is through suffering. Jesus suffered for the joy set before him and our sufferings are for the joy of knowing him more.
I’m not trying to complain, just trying to be honest. I’m truly thankful for so many things. Jehovah Jireh has provided for us in so many ways. People have brought us meals, given us money to help w/ all the medical bills, and given their time to come lend me a hand for a while. If not for these things life would be very overwhelming. Also, there is no telling what He is protecting us and the children from. They are both still with us- for which I am eternally grateful! Their issues could be much worse, I’m sure. I’m also so thankful for my wonderful husband. He is constantly serving our family and sacrificing for us. He’s soooo helpful and such a servant. And He is just my best friend (and sometimes it seems my only friend- with all the dr.’s appt I don’t have much time to spend with friends ). It’s hard to feel so not known and misunderstood by others. Ben understands because he’s walked each step with me (as has the Lord).

“He knows my name, he knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls, and He hears me when I call”- a favorite song of mine
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. “ Ps 73:25-26

7th Specialist- Genetics & Aiden's heart

Well, Abigail did have 6 doctors that she saw and now we’ve added another one to the mix. Her MRI on her back came back normal (a tremendous praise! ). However, the neurosurgeon wants to do one on her neck now to check for the same things. He also wants her to see a Geneticist. It is possible that she could have a syndrome which would be the cause of all her many issues. At Aiden’s checkup the pediatrician heard a heart murmur which wasn’t there before. So we will be taking him to the cardiologists in the next few days to do an echo. Please pray for his heart to be normal, for Abigail’s MRI, and for no syndrome…Lastly, please pray for me. I have an infection we thought was MRSA (antibiotic reisistant staff) but now we are not so sure. I’ve had it for 4 months. Dr. Carl (orthopedic surgeon) is very concerned and thinks we may need to do some procedures on my foot. Please pray for healing…

Welcome home Abigial :) and goodbye Merrill :(

Huge praise!

just a quick update- I don't have much time:)
Abigail's CAT scan came back normal! Praise the Lord! The neurologists said he was very surprised and pleased to see the results- he thought she either had cereberal palsey, brain tumors, or improper fusing of the skull so severe that they would have to crack her skull (do brain surgery) in order to repair it. Thank you for praying- the Lord has heard our prayers! We took her to the neurosurgeon yesterday to discuss a helmet to correct the plagiocephaly (assymetry of her skull). He didn't recommend a helmet- but wanted her to get a MRI of her brain and spine. He (and her physical therapists) think her back arching is severe and concerning. He wants to check for tumors on her spine, or several other things (they don't like to discuss all the possibilities with you). Please pray for the MRI (procedure itself is a risk- they have to give her anesthesia and knock her completely out which is scary on a baby), and for great results.
Aiden has been screaming in pain for over a week now. What started out several weeks ago as constantly fussy has progressed into completely inconsolible almost all of the time. I know he's in pain I just can't figure out what is hurting him! Please pray for wisdom and discernment as a parent. I know the Lord gives us intuition as mommies- and I'm definitly in need of it now! The dr.'s can't seem to figure it out. Could be either refulx issue, GI issue, or an infection/sickness. His apnea monitor has started going back off again (and it didn't go off for nearly an entire month!) so that is definitly a concern. Please pray for him.
Thank you so much to all who have committed to pray for us. We have felt the Lord's presence all around us and it's so encouraging to have so many bearing our burden's with us. I can't wait for you all to meet our little miracles one day!
Lastly about life, the fall is starting and Ben is super busy. We are trying to figure out what this semester will look like for us, but with all the dr. appts and unknowns- i'm just taking it one day at a time! Both babies have gotten to where they smile sometimes and make eye contact. They are so fun- I love them sooo much!

Begging God for a Miracle

The Lord spoke to my heart at a divine appointment on Wed. I realized we are in a spiritual battle and we really need to fight with prayer and pray for divine healing. Each doctor we go to sends us to another one, we take one step forward and THREE steps back, Aiden was healthy and now he's sick too, Abigail now sees four different specialists (Gastro, Cardio, Neuro, Phys Ther.) and the issues are seemingly multiplying, our dog is very sick, our computer broke, I have an infection, and our dishwasher broke. I do not believe that Satan is under every rock but I do beleive he is real and is attacking us. The enemy is crafty in all his ways and he wants nothing more than to steal our joy and make us inneffective. Fall is starting and it is nearly impossible to focus on the hearts and minds of the college students we are influencing when we are at the doctor for 5 hours a day (literally- this is not an exaggeration- we have waited this long to be seen TWICE), 3 days a week. Not to mention seeking to lead them spiritually and have time to be around/share our lives with the lost. Please join with us in prayer against the evil one and his subtle (or not so subtle) workings in our lives. Join us as we go to the GREAT PHYSICIAN and ask for DIVINE HEALING that her doctors absolutely cannot explain. That the world, and all who have heard our story, will give Him all the glory for the miracles He has done!
If you are willing to commit to joining us in prayer, please comment with a "yes" on the comment page- or email me at knelson27@gmail.com.


"Finally be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world & against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly reams."
Ephesians 6:10-12

"Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power amoung the peoples."
Psalm 77:13-14

Babies 1st Month- Welcome home Aiden and first bath

More doctors, more tests...

Update- Aiden had a minor surgery on Monday to determine the cause of his belly issues. They scoped him and biopsied his esophogas, stomach, colon, and rectum. We have yet to get the complete results but they did find evidence of a milk/protein intolerance. I have stopped nursing and am weaning myself off of the pump. It was a sad and difficult decision but the Lord has given me a peace about it. He is a different baby on the formula- doesn't cry all the time and actually sleeps! (I really didn't know that babies aren't supposed to cry ALL the time- I have never been around a "normal" (not sick) baby!)
Abigail went to the neurologists on Wednesday for her arching and her neck. She only turns her head to one side and always has her head overextended and her back arched severely. The neurologists said she has torticolis- the muscle is too short in one side of her neck and she will need physcial therapy. She also has Plagiocephaly- her cranium is assymetrical. You can physically see it even- one ear is further up than the other. He ordered a CAT scan to check for tumors and and neurological damage from seizures, ect. and to see if her skull is fused together yet. If it is- we have a more serious problem. If not, she can wear a special helmet to help correct it. He really didn't have a clue on the arching of her back.
Please pray the the CAT scan comes back normal, that her arching is nothing and will resolve itself, that her neck is easily fixed, and that the assymetry would be correctable. Pray for Aiden that his results come back normal.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will recieve the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12

The nursery :)

Aiden allergy and Abigail syndrome?

Many people have been asking Ben and me the latest with the babies. We are so thankful to the Lord for them and are thankful to so many of you for praying for us!
Aiden has been very fussy and inconsolable for a week and a 1/2 now. This is normal behavior for Abigail, but not for Aiden. He's normally very content with someone holding him or his paci. Lately he cries constantly and makes these faces like he's in the worst pain. We took his stool in on Friday and they found a lot of blood in it. The dr. wanted to see him immediately- so we took him in on Friday night to Providence Hospital, they did labs and found that his blood count was very low. The doctor said he had been bleeding internally for well over a week. They changed him to Abigail’s hypoallergenic formula temporarily and we are scheduled to see the GI specialists on Friday to determine the cause. It's very possible that he has developed a milk/protein allergy (the same one Abigail has). Please pray for him-that he feels better, that the bleeding is not a serious problem, and that it is easily treatable. Pray for us for wisdom- the only way I could continue nursing him is to go on a strict vegan diet which we are not sure is the best thing for my health (I already have a calcium deficiency and osteoporosis in my back) and my stress level (cooking from scratch, reading labels, ect.) However, I would be very sad to stop nursing him and the formula is very expensive.
Abigail went to the heart dr. today and they increased her lasix, the medicine they treat the symptoms of her heart disease with because she was breathing rapidly and sweating. She has been arching her back horribly for a month, and throws her head back constantly. It is very unnatural. We thought it was because of reflux, but we took her in to the hospital last week to test her PH level and it came back negative. The cardiologists was concerned and wants her to see either a genetic specialists to determine if she has some sort of syndrome (commonly seen in conjunction with her heart condition) or a developmental specialists to see if she needs some sort of therapy to help correct her spinal development. Please pray for this issue- that it is nothing serious at all and will be treatable or will resolve itself. Also please continue to pray for her gut- that her stools will soften and we will get her on the right formula and medication.
Lastly, please pray for us. After 2 ½ months of sleepless nights, long days in the hospital (or traveling back and forth between two hospitals), the emotional rollercoaster of being in the NICU, getting used to 2 newborns, and now with Aiden sick as well- we are worn down. Our bodies and our hearts have recently really been feeling the effects of this trying and difficult season. Please pray for us- for physical strength and perseverance, for emotional stability, and for spiritual sensitivity. That we would have spiritual eyes to see all that the Lord is teaching us through our circumstances. That we would feel the Lord’s presence and rest in His strength when we have no more of our own. Pray that our marriage would strengthen and that we would be patient and kind with one another- that our character would be developed as we are “refined by the fire”.

3 weeks!

Abigail has been home for 3 weeks now! I must say, it is MUCH MORE DIFFICULT having 2 babies at home verses just 1! "my hands are full" is an understatement :) Not to mention having one that is quite sick! But it is so much better than her being at the NICU! Aiden is doing well and his apnea spells are getting less and less. Abigail cries alot and has many issues- we go to the cardiologists and GI specialists almost once a week to monitor her heart's swelling and her belly. Since we've been home, they have found blood in her stool twice and had to switch her formula and her meds. There have been several times when we have almost gone to the ER since she has started vomitting and screaming inconsolibly for hours at at time. Each time we've called Children's and Women's and done what they have instructed us to do to help. Please continue to pray for her belly. She is still not having regular stools and we can't seem to find a medicine that works well for her. She is also extremely irritable and having some other symptoms the dr.'s can't figure out. She is pretty upset most of the time which is why I'm so thankful people have been coming over to help me hold her (which can be quite difficult to do while I'm nursing Aiden!)
Overall, life has been very good. The Lord has been so gracious to us over these past 2 1/2 months. He has granted us supernatural strength and preseverance when our bodies should have given out weeks ago! He has given us supernatural wisdom and insight when we needed to make critical decisions for her. I have had so much joy in being a mommy! It is so obvious it is what we as women are created to do! It is so much fun just loving on them. I have been overwhelmed by the compassion and generosity of others. My friends and church family have served me in so many ways- meals, their time, cleaning my house, holding babies, the list is endless. I'm overwhlemed with gratitude. One of the reasons we are doing so well is through the prayers and help so many have offered to us. Thank you Lord for the body of Christ! So many have truly placed my need above their own.
The Lord has also been showing me how committed he is to me by walking us through this extremely difficult season. He is stripping away things both in myself and in Ben to make us more like himself. Although this is a painful process- it is well worth it for He only wants to free us from our sin and shame. My prayer is that I would have eyes to continue to see why He is taking us through the fire and what he is trying to cleanse me from.
"I lift my eyes up to the hills, from where my help comes from ...my help comes from the Lord"